A Birthday Worth Partying For

I don't know what kind of semester you are coming off of, but if it was anything like mine, there was probably highs and lows and everything in between and over the Christmas break I'm pretty positive that when asked how college is going you will smile and say "great, I really love 'insert your university here'...." Personally, my favorite response is: "college is great, it's the school part that I'm having a hard time with." Guaranteed to get the typical I-used-to-party-dad to say "God, I remember the days" followed by a hearty laugh. For the past two years Christmas break has been a really interesting time for me because I go from being insanely busy to school zone slow and the hardest part is that when I start slowing down I begin to digest what I have been learning and that is often scary. One of the most daunting realizations that I have come to is that time isn't slowing down and I'm growing up.
Pretty obvious observation I know, but I'm in the time of my life that you hear people tell stories about from the time you are a little kid, that your middle school and high school counselors have tried to prepare you for for years and the era when decisions matter. It gets overwhelming sometimes and while people think back on their college years and remember the really good times, they seldom tell you about the really hard growth periods. The tough thing about growth is that it's not painless.

With christmas tomorrow, I've been reflecting on what the birth of Jesus means and trying to not be so numb to everything as I approach my twentieth Christmas. As I was looking through scripture it hit me though. In Matthew 1:23 it says "The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel." Immanuel means "God with us." Do you get what that means? It means that God sent his son into the world as a way of proclaiming as loudly as possible that when the test results get back and they are positive for cancer, God is with us. When you aren't sure if you and your girlfriend are going to make it, God is with us. At your frat party, God is with us. When you come home and things don't feel exactly like they used to, God is with us. When you're studying in the corner of the library, God is with us. When you're procrastinating and sitting around hanging out with your roommates, God is with us. In the midst of trying to figure out what your purpose is and how you are going to charge into the future, God is with us.

Tonight when you hear the Christmas story, try not to tune it out or brush past it because you have heard it so many times, look at it from the fresh perspective of hearing about how God didn't give up on us, how in the midst of all of our shortcomings, he is riding shotgun with us through all of life's ups and downs and that Jesus was born to die a death on a cross that would give everyone the freedom to come into an abundant relationship with the creator of the universe. Merry Christmas.

To Borrow a Few Words From "Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta"...

Earlier this week I mentioned how I have just felt off lately in terms of my spiritual life, but today things began to click again. Today I felt God answering my prayers. He has been helping me to look beyond the temporary things that I put so much of my stock in and to start seeing all of the great things going on in my life beyond the classroom. My experience has been that I get most down when I have "peep hole vision." I realize that the word "peep" is often associated with lewd shows performed on Bourbon street, but that is not where I am going with this...What I'm trying to say is that when I view the world out of a peep hole I miss 95 percent of what is going on. The 5 percent that I do see is usually extremely temporary circumstances that I make a way bigger deal than I really need to. The 95 percent that I don't see are the people around me and the opportunities that I have to love them in a way that might help them pull their heads out of "peep vision" as well and the chance to point them to the cross.

Following Jesus is backwards, because it is not a checklist, there is no formula and it is totally reversed from anything you have ever heard. By putting all of your energy towards being the hands and feet of Jesus and meeting the needs of others, there is lasting satisfaction that cannot be found within yourself. Frat gear goes out of style (well not really, chino polo shorts and button downs are long lasting, just not eternal), Wranglers rip, houses burn down, GPAs become trivial things of the past, big titles don't go in the coffin with you and even supermodels become old, wrinkly ladies, but Living for the Lord lasts. (pretty sure I jacked that phrase from the song "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta" made popular by the movie "Office Space"...Verse 2 "But this gangtsa here is a smart one Started living for the lord and I last.") Point being that the only things that we can take into eternity with us are the things we do out of our love for Jesus.

We're gonna make it

It has been a solid 2 months since I have hopped on the blog and for that I apologize. Over the past 60 days I built a judge's award winning float and danced in Pigskin with my fraternity, started dating an amazing girl (thought that would never happen) and have held my job at the backpacking, camping, kayaking store here in Waco. In the midst of all of this, God has been there, but to be honest with you, I have struggled to see him. Maybe it is because I have been too busy checking all of the items off of the post it note lists that I habitually make and arrange strategically around my desk. This year has been tough. I started off the year, biting off more than I could chew and have been paying for it lately, trying madly to catch up with school. One of the biggest lessons I have been learning is to say no so that I can really say yes. I blogged about that earlier this year, but it is a lesson that I have had to re-learn at different seasons and it is always a painful one to be reminded of. When I am spread thin I have trouble making everything work together and the quality of my work often suffers. Why do I over commit? To shoot you straight, it is because I am a people pleaser and I want to serve and help out as much as I can, but taking on too much has it taken its toll. It's hard to saddle up and ride when the ground you are riding on seems to be shifting and sliding unpredictably.

Lately, my biggest battle has been finding my worth in the Lord and not in my accomplishments or lack of accomplishments in school. I can't seem to find traction in my classes and every time I get back my work and it is not where I want it to be I question whether I am cut out for the academic rigors in college. From there I play the "find the most unintelligent person I know who graduated from college and compare myself to them game." Ultimately that never helps. I don't know what it is going to take for the cross to be enough, for me to understand in the depths of my heart the magnitude that Jesus loves me. I think that the place I am in right now is one that will continually come back at every life stage. I'm going to have a full time job in the future and there, my challenge will be finding my worth in my salary, work projects or title, then I will have kids and the temptation will be to find my worth in how they turn out. With this mentality I am going to miss the abundant life that Jesus promises those who love him. I am trying to wrap my head around how much Jesus truly loves me. It is in this life long journey to understand how great our Saviors' love is for us that our identity in Christ becomes more clear. It is in this understanding that we begin to understand how incomprehensible Jesus' love is for us.

I don't know what your struggle is right now. Maybe you're like me and you question whether you are going to make it in school or maybe you just started a new job and it is not everything you dreamed it would be. You could be battling addiction and keep failing, or maybe you just feel down. Jesus cares about you and wants to listen to what is on your mind. My experience with prayer has been that when I am in prayer about my troubles, the Lord doesn't usually make them disappear, but he helps me to tune into what he is doing in the big picture and gives me an attitude that allows me to see the eternal in the midst of the temporal. Life is tough, we're all trying to make it. Take a minute and care about those around you, just smile at them, it could make all the difference.

Oh SH....the couch is about to fall out the back

School is back in full swing but I am not. Can anyone out there relate to me? I think that every semester I say "heck yeah," this is my time to do school right, to go to bed on time and to be super intentional with the group of guys the Lord has placed me in. I go out and buy a planner and make lists of people who I want to dig in with. In my head/on paper my plans and tactics are flawless, but then something called life happens. My roommates are up late hanging out and I can't help but do the same, I see an opportunity to take on a job and I do it, people around me need help and so I drop my own agenda and help them and in the process of all these great interruptions, my grand plans are diminished.

This summer when I went on my epic craigslist adventure to pick up the vending machine and the massive sectional couch we almost had a catastrophe. We made it to the hottest, most miserable place on earth, college station and loaded up what I call the pink monster: a 5 piece sectional couch complete with a folding bed, recliner and one dysfunctional recliner that will end up never getting repaired (maybe after float season). After manhandling the couch onto the trailer, we headed to Houston to pick up the whale of a vending machine. Along the way, Kip, Will and I were talking, laughing about the adventure when out of the corner of my eye I saw the pink monster begin moving. Straddling my vision between the road ahead of me and the crisis behind me, I observed the wind pick up one of the sections of the couch flip up and begin waltzing toward the end of the trailer. I had a sudden flash of the calamity behind me which was potentially about to ensue; an oversized, bulky couch section punching through the radiator of the sedan behind me or even worse, the windshield destroying the drivers. None of this was happening at breakneck speed, but it was definitely something that needed to be dealt with. I made the call to pull over and rearrange and re-strap everything on the trailer. From there, it was smooth sailing.

Right now, in slow motion, the pieces of my life are shifting around and some of the sections even want to flip off my trailer. For the most part I have kept driving, keeping an eye on the status of everything, but pretty soon, if I don't pull over, I'm going to pay for it. Does this mean that I have the wrong pieces loaded? No, it just means that I have loaded my pieces incorrectly. (I realize that this analogy only really makes sense to me and the handful of people who have loaded a trailer down with ratchet straps.) The idea is not necessarily that I am involved in the wrong things, it's just that I am missing the essential element for balance in my life, my own personal time with the Lord. My faith is what holds my life together and as I get busier and busier, the ratchet straps that hold my life together begin to loosen.

For me, I know that this is happening, because my life is full of great things and great people, I am not facing any major crisis right now and I have every reason to be totally satisfied with life, but I'm not. I accomplish a lot every day, but it is not enough. I need to get away and spend time with Jesus on a daily basis. That is the only way that the air will taste sweet again and the only way that I will be able to love those around me the way that Jesus has called me to, Live the dream, life is too short not to.

Just a little off

Do you ever have those days where you just feel a little off, where the day just doesn't go quite the way you wanted it to or maybe it was one of those "blah" days where nothing really good or bad happened? Today was one of those days for me, I had a packed weekend and then woke up on the Monday of a three day weekend, two hours before heading into work and then from there my day was just kind of got sucked up. (the hours from 9 to 2AM seem to get away from me every night) I don't know why "blah" days bring up an array of odd feelings or what even sparks them, but they definitely exist and they are definitely normal. I think that that part of the problem with these nonchalant days is that we find our value in what tasks we complete or how full or fun our day was. It is normal to have these feelings and I think that they are a result of overworking.

I used to drive a four cylinder hunting jeep and it was great for dirt roads and it could not be beat crawling around rocks, but when I hopped on the highway and needed to pass someone or gun it to get onto the freeway it topped out at about 60 and that little engine would scream for fresh air until I downshifted and reached a comfortable cruising speed. Blah days are the downshift period. We spend so much of our lives speeding to get where we need to go that when we finally downshift and our speed begins to level out, we feel uncomfortable because our pistons aren't pumping quite so hectically.

I don't know where you are, if you're at a place where you look at the road ahead and say wow, I'm about to dive into chaos or maybe you're at a place where all of the sudden you have a significant amount of time on your hands, maybe you just got out of a relationship with a long time girlfriend and now you feel weird because all of the time and energy that was directed there has no where to go. Maybe you just graduated and being in the real world all of your best friends are not around and your bed time has been bumped back from 2AM to 10PM. I don't know, but whatever it is, God cares about you and wants you to live fully and desperately wants you to know that you aren't in this thing alone. Life is beautiful and it is meant to be lived, so wherever you are, be grateful and through the good and bad, praise God, because he has always loved you and always will. Live the dream. My roommates just told me to stop blogging and start living, so I guess I need to get to it...

Say No So You Can Say Yes

Today is only my 12th day of life at the Estate and in this short amount of time an enormous amount of life has taken place. I recently started working at an outdoor gear store, bought a deep freezer and gun safe with my roommates, built 2 lofted beds, fraternity activities and intramurals have kicked into high gear, I have been connecting with friends who I didn't see all summer and somewhere in the midst of all of this flurry of activity I have an academic record to build. I was pondering the freedom that comes with age the other day and I think that it can be compared to a tightly tied shoe. As I have grown up from grade school through high school and now into college the laces on my shoes have become looser and looser, offering more and more freedom, but with freedom comes new adjustments. I am almost to the point in my life where I have the choice of whether I want to keep the shoes on or slip them off all together and see what walking barefoot feels like. It is a scary place to be in. Credit card bills are real, relationships are real, school matters more than it has in the past and I am seeing the weight that my actions today are going to have on tomorrow. I spent an hour on the phone with the cable company today trying to figure out why our bill was so high and once I figure that out I have to bring it to the attention of my roommates and reach an agreement about how to get paid back for various start up fees. I tell you this because it is easy to lose sight of things and forget whom our foundation is found in.

Our foundation is not in how well we please others, because there is not enough of you or me to go around to meet everyone else's needs and wants. I am learning to say no for the first time in my life. It's tough, because I really enjoy being needed, but I have had to come to terms with the reality that there is only so much time in the day and that when I never say no I cannot really say yes. "Simply let your yes be yes and your no, no; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." Matthew 5:37. Seems harsh doesn't it, saying that if we flake out and don't really mean yes when commit to something it is from the evil one. Why would Jesus put that in such harsh terms? Because when we over-commit we are limiting our God given potential to do the things that God has called us to. Saying no is definitely an act of faith. It puts us in a vulnerable place because people might not like us if we decline an offer they give us.

Matthew 7:24-27
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

When we over commit we are making the choice to build our house on the sand and that is what it feels like doesn't it. The
exterior structure of our life is all together, but with the wrong wind or even the wrong footing inside the house, everything could come crashing down. To build our house on the rock, we must constantly be in prayer, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Phil 4:6) Honestly, I have never really been good at constantly being in prayer, but when I think about it, I spend a lot of time managing my lists inside my head and those concerns could be much better managed by giving them to God. My challenge for myself and for anyone who finds life even just slightly overwhelming is to say yes and really mean it and to find the freedom of a house on solid rock.

Learning to Relax

I would never admit it, but I think that I enjoy being stressed. This realization came to me over the past week that I spent with my family relaxing in Florida. My summer has been packed between working at Pine Cove and then going almost straight into a pretty rigorous summer school schedule. Add building an epic lofted bed and furnishing a house and pretty quickly you can imagine how precious my free time has been this summer. I was wound so tight and my mind kept running back to Waco to make lists of things that I need to do and money that I needed to collect from my roommates that I had trouble fully enjoying and appreciating the beauty of my first day on the beach. After my mom saw me struggling to just sit on the beach she even said, "You really have trouble just doing nothing and relaxing don't you?"

Before I could relax under my umbrella and fully enjoy the cool ocean breeze I had to make an "on the go playlist" on my iPod that had an excess of 100 songs in the cue, way more than I could ever listen to in one sitting. I tell you that to give you a look into how check list driven I am, even on the beach. Our society values efficiency and productivity. Check lists are great and they keep my life organized, but there comes a point where productivity can become an idol. I often put my worth in how much I can accomplish or what I can scratch through on my to-do list. As Christians we are called to commit our work to the Lord, but we are not told to be workaholics. I guess that this is really an identity issue. Jesus loves us just as we are, not as we should be and he loves us no matter how much we accomplish. I think that if we are going to bring up committing our work to the Lord it is just as important to bring up one of the ten commandments, "honor the Sabbath day, keep it Holy."

How many of us actually do that? When was the last time you turned off your computer, put away the tools, forgot about the checklists for a day and simply enjoyed the moment you were in? It's scary and it is a huge act of faith. It says, "I trust that God is faithful and by taking this day and doing things that feed my soul, God is going to be active and in my lack of activity, He will provide." So maybe the reason that I have trouble relaxing is because I do not have much practice. Taking a Sabbath requires an act of faith and it is one that I need to adopt. Chick Fil A is the only national food chain that honors the Sabbath and although it seems that I am always craving one of their sandwiches on Sunday I respect their decision. Their profits are right on par with all of its competitors and because they are closed for one day a week, their employees stay fresher and their equipment lasts longer because they hit the off switch once a week. I think that to break my addiction to productivity I need to do the same and simply hit the off switch once a week and trust that God is going to provide.

Home

Home is a relative term. Obviously there is a house in Dallas where my family lives and a room where I laid my head for the first eighteen years of my life, but is home more than a house? I think so. After being in college for a year, Waco is beginning to feel more comfortable than Dallas and I am beginning to sleep better on my twin bed that my feet hang off of, lofted 5 feet in the air than my full size bed on Purdue. Do I feel more comfortable in Waco because I traded beautifully landscaped lawns on Beverly for front yards where I can park my truck or because in Waco I can't see a movie past 10 or because in Dallas there is not a vending machine in my living room? No. I am more at peace in Waco because there is a community of people here who love me and claim me as their own. Before I go on any farther, let me give a disclaimer, I have an unbelievable family and friends that will last a lifetime in Dallas, but the community that I have in Waco are the people who on a day to day basis are helping me grow into the Robert I am becoming. Those in my past have shaped me into who I am today. One of the big components of any community is shared experiences or surroundings. There are parts of the fabric of the school and student life here that cannot be explained, but are simply understood by those who live in this town like the taste of George's half price chicken friend steak or the stereotypes that surround the fraternities and sororities (I really just love wearing boots...KOT stereotype) or the simple appreciation for a slower pace of life in a city that pales in comparison to Dallas or Austin.

If home is a community of people who know and love you, can you have more than one home? I think so. When I worked at Pine Cove this summer, the staff and friends that I made knew me in one capacity, the guys I live with know me on a day to day basis and see college Robert; back home I have a different set of memories and expectations those around me have come to know. I don't think that this is a bad thing, but it can become confusing when you bounce from community to community and places that were always so familiar become less familiar. Some day I will graduate and Baylor will begin to feel less like home than it does right now, I will move somewhere and I will form another community who will continue to shape and mold me.

Through all the major scenery/life changes I have been experiencing over the past year the verse that I have clung to is Philippians 3:20 "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Our citizenship is in heaven, we can live in numerous places on this earth, but ultimately our identity and value is found in heaven with Christ, so if you are going to school for the first time this year and you feel uncomfortable, your citizenship is in heaven. If you just started a new job in a city that is unfamiliar, your citizenship is in heaven. If you are still living in the same house with your parents that you have always lived in, your citizenship is in heaven. With that in mind, begin this new school year with an open heart and mind to those around you and take everything in stride knowing that this place, wherever you are, is not it.

Buy The Field (or dove lease...)

Being a city boy my whole life I have always loved playing cowboy on the weekend. It's hard to top my favorite pair of Wranglers wrapped around my Justins which are more comfortable than slippers after seeing thousands of miles of pavement and country roads. With my Costas around my neck, suspended by my Kappa Croakies and a Columbia PFG, maybe a vest depending on the time of year I am at home. (I realize that I just name dropped 3 staples of Texas fratting....that was intentional. I also realize that this is how I dress year around now...it's conducive to the life style perpetuated by Greek institutions minus those on the West Coast.) Going to school in Waco, I am surrounded by less of a cement jungle than I was a little over a year ago when I spent all my time in the concrete Congo of Dallas. I can be in the country in under 10 minutes and there is nothing more beautiful than watching the sun set over a field of sunflowers or gazing at the dove flying in for one last drink from the watering hole.

My affection for the country began when we purchased some land at Possum Kingdom Lake (2 hours west of Dallas). I really became hooked when my dad took me dove hunting for the first time in fifth grade. The anticipation of the hunt and the waking up early, beating the sunrise in order to be poised and ready in the field is one of the things that gets my blood going. Off and on throughout middle and high school my dad and I would go hunting on the weekends, but it was always a commitment because we had to drive at least 2 hours for decent properties to hunt on. WIth dove season right around the corner I knew that I wanted to try to put together a group of guys to go in on a lease, but finding a place was going to be the toughest part.

After scouring craigslist for weeks (I'm an avid craigslist addict if you haven't noticed. Where else on the web can you find vending machines, power tools and even potential true lovers...that's probably taking it a little too far..) I found Ted. Ted is a retired law enforcement officer who fits every Jeff Foxworthy stereotype of a redneck. Ted has what could be the jackpot in hunting land. I arranged a time to come look at the property and a buddy of mine, Taylor Criswell and I headed north to West. (confusing, I know). Ted was as friendly as could be and was fired up that a bunch of young guys wanted to come hunt on his land. He is as far from anal as can be. His only request was that we don't kill anyone. The lease is 22.8 miles from my doorstep. I could feel it, finally, I was a little closer to being a country boy. As Taylor and I drove off we were giddy with excitement about the opportunities that this new found treasure will offer us. There is a good chance in September that I could be hunting every morning before class and camping out there on the weekends. This is the dream.

To find this place it took diligence and vision. There are a lot of guys who are way more legit hunters than I am, but I took the time to craigslist until the right place came along and when I had the target locked in my sights, I knew that I had no choice but to pull the trigger. Jesus understood what it is like to find something that you have long sought after. In Matthew 13:44 he says "The Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." Obviously Jesus isn't talking about a great dove lease here, but he is talking about the kingdom of heaven and the way we should claim His kingdom.

For years I had dreamed about being able to hunt before class and having a place to hang out beyond the city limits; Finally, I found a way to do it. Honestly, I would have paid double what we are being charged for the lease, because the memories we will make out there are going to be priceless. The kingdom of heaven is like that. Being a part of what Jesus is doing is worth everything: putting aside your pride, materialistic goods, relationships, prejudices and your reputation. The treasure in the field is not something you could take to the bank, it abundant life and that is something that will take you into eternity. I was so pumped driving off after giving Ted my deposit for my field, the joy that I had was uncontainable. I probably called 10 people to tell them about what I had found. That is what the kingdom of heaven is like. The Kingdom of Heaven is Christ's church and body of believers on this earth. It's a place where brokenness can be dealt with and healing is a commonality. It is a place where a bunch of not good enoughs become whole. It is life transforming and it is a movement that started with an empty tomb.

On September 1st I will be scanning the morning sky for dove, shotgun in hand and then I'm going to head to class and then back out to the field. I can't wait, but what excites me even more than that is the field with the treasure that I found in Jesus and the eternal fulfillment that comes in building his kingdom in the way that I love God and love others. Get the lease, BUY THE FIELD.

Directionally Challenged

You would think that after spending five plus years in Boy Scouts my sense of direction would have been honed to the point that just by instinct I would be able to tell which direction is north. Unfortunately, this is not the case. By the grace of God I was born in the era of GPS and I am able to overcome my DCD (directionally challenged disorder) by relying on my trusty Garmin. (for those of you who know me closely, you know that I am a sucker for name brand items and that is why I mention that my GPS is a Garmin...I guess it's because name brands are fratty...) Ninety five percent of the time I can navigate to just about anywhere as long as I am linked to one of the 24 orbiting satellites that can steer me turn by turn to the place I need to go. It's that five percent of the time that really kills me...

This past weekend I spend some time down in San Antonio hanging out with some good friends, enjoying the hill country air and the excellent Mexican cuisine that San Antonio offers. As much as I love the open road and the beautiful scenery that this part of Texas offers, I saw a little too much of it yesterday. A good buddy of mine, Austin Roberson and I were heading out to my grandpa's lease about 20 miles outside San Antonio and after we had been on the road for about forty minutes something just didn't feel right. We started seeing signs for Laredo and none of the land marks looked familiar, so we pulled over to the side of the road and looked at the map that my grandpa had supplied us with. Sure enough, we missed the Del Rio exit. We had gone 40 miles in the wrong direction, but after studying the map a little closer I plugged in an intersection near the lease into my GPS and we finally started heading in the right direction.

The funny thing about that experience is that all along I had all of the tools that I needed to find my way. I had a map and I had a GPS, but I thought that I could find the place on my own and it cost me. How many times do I do that in my everyday life? I think that I can do it on my own and end up in a place I never thought I would be. Ultimately, the only way that Austin and I found our way to the lease was by taking a second and figuring out where we were and where we needed to be. There is an acronym that I learned in a wilderness survival class a long time ago that sums up the best way to get "un-lost": STOP. Stop, think, observe, plan. No one sets out on a road trip with the intent of finding themselves hopelessly lost, but it happens. We miss exits, become distracted or misread our maps. Finding the way back to the right road can sometimes be difficult, but ultimately that is the only way we get where we need to go.

The same is true in our spiritual lives as well. When we start doing things that go against who we were created to be and they don't feel quite right, STOP. Pause and think about what lead up to the moment when you started feeling a little off. So often our actions lead to something much deeper and many times "this is really about that." In doing this you will probably feel the depth of your fall and that is ok, we have to collect all of the garbage before we can take it to the curb. Observe your surrounding and analyze what you have been filling your head with (what movies you have been watching, who you have been hanging with, where you have been spending your time) and what you have been giving your heart to. Finally, plan, call a friend and let them know what is going on, enlist a group of guys to support you in your quest to be who God created you to be and ultimately, know that although you may be lost right now and you might not be satisfied with you are becoming, Christ has already found you. He found you when he climbed up on the cross and he can handle all of our brokenness and junk. Jesus loves you just as you are, not as you should be. Be found.

Buy a Vending Machine

In the movie "Big" Tom Hanks plays a young adolescent who makes a wish to become a grown up and all of the sudden, boom, he is an adult. I saw this movie when I was seven or eight and I don't remember many of the details but I do remember that in the apartment that Tom Hanks lived in he had a vending machine. He would throw a baseball at the Pepsi machine and out would drop a ice cold coke. For the past 12 years I have dreamed about having a vending machine of my own and two days ago that dream became a reality.

I just moved into a new house in Waco. I'm taking a few summer classes, building an ark (not really, just an epic lofted bed) and having a blast. There are only 3 guys in the house this summer and on Friday my roommate Kip and I started dreaming about what our vacant main room could be. We decided that the top two priorities were going to be seating and....a vending machine. We hopped on craigslist Friday evening and started emailing people about different sectional couches and vending machines. By Saturday morning we had a 5 piece (1 fold out bed, 2 lazy boys, a corner piece and one other piece) sectional locked in for 300 bones down in college station (whoop..i guess?!) and we had yet to hear back from any of the vending machine sellers. I left to go into work and not too long after arriving at Viteks (my newly acquired employer-it's home of the gut pak and many other BBQ creations) Kip sent me a text filled with exclamation points announcing that he had located a vending machine for 150 bucks in Katy, TX, just down the road from college station. I clocked out, raced home, and quickly called my buddy Trip Hillman to see if I could borrow his trailer. I received the green light and Kip, Will Glasscock and I loaded up in my truck, college station bound.

The sectional was a breeze loading onto the trailer and 2 stops to re-adjust the ratchet straps later we were on our way to Katy. As we rolled into town it started pouring and we were "tarpless" with 5 pieces of a what was soon to become a very soggy couch following us. (I think that the rain ended up cleaning the couch more than anything...we bought it on craigslist, what did you expect?) My GPS took us right up to the door of the veterinary clinic where we were met Freddy to claim our prize.

Our enthusiasm began to fade when we realized that the vending machine weighed 800 pounds. Yes 800 pounds, as in the same weight as an Orca Whale, but ninety minutes later we had the beast shimmied out the door of the clinic and onto our trailer. Unfortunately the most difficult task still awaited us 166 miles away. After backing the trailer within inches of the Estate (my waco house) it took us 3 hours just to get this huge piece of machinery standing upright, but after some innovation, combing my knowledge of tow straps and a combination of simple machines, thank you seventh grade physics, the pepsi machine stood upright. We tried to get it through the door but at 3 AM we were drained and had to wait until the next day where the Delta Tau Deltas bailed us out and with 5 guys and an appliance dolly, the Eagle landed in the corner of our man pad.

I tell this story because it is ridiculous and buying a vending machine is something you can only do in college. When else in life will I buy a sectional couch and vending machine in the same weekend for 450 dollars? Life presents us with opportunities all the time and sometimes they seem crazy, but those are often the best ones to take. "...make the most of every moment and every encounter. When you speak the word, speak it gracefully (as if seasoned with salt), so that you will know how to respond rightly to everyone." (Col. 4:3).

Summer is winding down and you have probably met some new people over the past few months and in the months to come with a new semester ahead there will definitely be new people and new opportunities to take. Make the most of every moment. Invest deeply in your roommates, friends, family, fraternity brothers, teammates and co-workers and don't be afraid to ask tough questions. Be courageous and step out in faith when there are moments that are seemingly insignificant and talk about things that are significant beyond the everyday BS where most of stay 90 percent of the time. Seasoned with salt...we are the salt of the earth. Salt preserves or cares for and enriches, so do the same in your community wherever you are, making the most of every opportunity and if you are ever in Waco, bring your quarters. There is a vending machine in my living room.

P.S.
If you are one of my roommates, this was supposed to be a surprise, but since you made it all the way through the blogg, good for you. We own a vending machine.

Encouragement from Eminem and Freedom in Confession

I have been back from camp for a full 7 days now and I have been shocked by how easy it has been to slip back into my same sin struggles. I mentioned this in an early post, but as the week progressed I realized that I couldn't deal with my problems alone. One of the biggest areas that this comes into play for me is with lust. If you didn't grow up in the laptop generation or if you are a chick you probably can't relate to my struggle, but if you are in the same boat as I am then you know how unbelievably easy it is to wander while online. I'm checking my email, on facebook or youtubing and all of the sudden my wicked heart kicks into gear and I find myself somewhere online where the kingdom of God is not near, a place where I really don't want to be, but for some reason I consistently go back to. With this sin struggle I so often play the, "this is the last time" game, I throw down the "it won't be like this tomorrow" card and quite frankly on my own strength it is never the last time and it always happens tomorrow.

I went camping this past weekend and on the way out to the Ranch I just didn't feel like myself. The baggage of my sin was weighing me down and keeping from fully enjoying the moment so I leveled with one of my good friends, Robert Boone and just told him what was up. Together we worked through my struggle with maintaining my integrity while online. As I formed the words in my head to start that conversation my heart raced and even though we are really good friends and go way back it was still scary and humbling, but after we worked through things the anxious feelings were replaced by peace that can only be found in confessing your struggles. James 5:16 says "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

God is a God of restoration and wants to restore us to our full potential, but he cannot do his work in us if we keep our struggles bottled up inside. Find someone and confess your struggles to them no matter how dark or how scared you are. Ultimately our identity is in what God says we are worth and he says we are worth dying for. That's why he sent his son to this earth to hang on the cross for us. Maybe you are in the same boat as me and you need accountability and encouragement to maintain your integrity while you are online, maybe you error toward eating less than you should and when you compare yourself to others you want to stop eating, maybe you are in a relationship that is abusive or you have this unbearable guilt because you gave your purity away or maybe you feel like life has lost its purpose. Whatever it is God can handle it and he understands. Find someone to share your sin with. If not its going to be like that screeching sound coming from your engine. You try to drown it out with your stereo, but deep down you know something is wrong. Whatever it is, pull over, open up the hood and find someone to confess your struggle with. We are all broken people and need the love, support and accountability of others. As brothers and sisters in Christ we are called to bear one another's burdens and to take a stand, so in the words of Eminem

"I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road"

"And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now"

If you've never listened to secular music those lyrics are from Eminem. He's not a worship leader, but he speaks prophetically when he challenged us to walk the road together and to take stand, so break out of your cage, tear down the walls. Confess and find freedom.

Carpe the Kingdom

Towards the end of last semester I began embracing the "carpe college" mentality. Taking advantage of all the opportunities and freedoms that college affords is a great thing, but I allowed this mind set to seep in too far. It began translating as "College is all about me and I am going to do whatever I please." In other words, I began embracing selfishness and forgot my bigger purpose in life: to Carpe the Kingdom.

What does Carpe the Kingdom even mean? It means living a life that is not about you. What?! College is supposed to be all about me...making the grades to obtain a lucrative job, finding a hot wife, looking as fratty as possible... Those are not bad objectives, but carpe the kingdom is about much more. Carpe the Kingdom embraces that if we are in Christ then we are promised eternal life and we are going to live forever with part of our stay on earth and a much larger portion of eternity in Heaven. Let's start living life, realizing that Christ conquered death and if we are in him, death has lost its sting, meaning that it has no authority over us. We are not going to stay six feet under, but be elevated to live with Christ in Heaven forever after we breathe our last breath on this earth.

The opportunity before us is huge. We can make decisions on this earth that echo into eternity. The way we choose to love others, the way we invest our time, and ultimately the way we live out the Gospel are all things that are important to our creator and are things that we should be intentional about because they matter. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating that we all become monks and nuns and stay in Bible study all day. In fact, I think that if Jesus was in college today #1 he would be the biggest frat star of all time #2 he would go to a school in the Big 12 (sorry Nebraska...) #3 he would be the life of every party. Following Jesus in college should not make us dull, but we should be the most fascinating people in our communities, clothed with love, humility and compassion.

Be in college, embrace the freedom, take random road trips, put off your term paper until the last night and pull an all nighter, frat hard, make good grades, make better friends, but ultimately embrace the Kingdom. Jesus is calling us to bring His kingdom closer to our universities, roommates, families, teams and fraternity brothers and the only way to do that is to be more about loving God and loving others than ourself.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are temporary but the things that are unseen are eternal. "

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Take the exit

After writing my post last night I dwelled on what I need to exit from and I did some uncomfortable pondering. I know that there are a good number of things that are keeping me from fulling running the race that Christ has set before, but taking the exit is so tough. At the end of my time at Pine Cove one of the challenges I was given was to "Stand firm and don't submit again to the yoke of slavery. Having been here (Pine Cove) for quite some time, from what or whom are you grateful to have separated yourself from? Whatever it is, stand firm from it.

Some of the things that I wrote down that night that I wanted to stand firm against were lust, hurtful sarcasm and coarse joking. Within being outside of camp for 72 hours I have failed in each of those areas. Why is it so easy to go back to tearing down my friends, not viewing women as God's workmanship or saying things just to get a few cheap laughs? One thing that I am realizing is that on my own strength I am never going to be able to exit. I might get to the access road, but ultimately I am going to end up in the exact same place I always do unless I lay down my pride and surrender my all to Jesus. That's tough and we can't do it without the support and accountability of a community of brothers or sisters in Christ.

I share this with you, because we have all been there, we have all fallen when we promised that last time was the last time and we have all gone back to something that we know is not life giving. It's tiring and depressing. There is hope. All authority on heaven and on earth has been given to Jesus. (mat. 28:18) Authority over my gross lust, rancid mouth and often deceitful heart. He has overcome death, Christ desperately wants to bear my burdens with me. The amazing thing about Jesus is that in the midst of my sin, in the midst of my off and on faithfulness, he still loves me just as I am, not as I should be. I share this with you, because Christ loves me in the midst of my brokenness and he loves you too. Be encouraged.

Back Roads

Every time I talk to my friend Brian Kelly from Columbia, Missouri about his hometown he always brings up his love for cruising the back roads. I didn't understand why anyone would voluntarily choose to drive on roads whose speed limits were less than than the fast lane of I-35 and trekking down a thoroughfare where gas stations and fast food were out of sight until I finally gave it a try this evening. I was on my way back from Waco, dropping off a load of furniture at my future residence and the eighteen wheelers on I-35 kept cutting me off and when I made it to the fast lane their inconsistent speeds inhibited me from setting my cruise control.

I reached up to my GPS and requested an alternate route. As I exited it sent me to highway 308 which runs between waco and shoots you out just beyond Hillsborough. The sun was setting, lighting the sky with majestic shades of pink and the contrast between the blacktop road, endless fields of corn and the cattle grazing in the pastures was breathtaking. The towns I passed through were small specks on the map where only a few hundred people could call home. John Wayne would have felt more comfortable on the main streets of these whistle-stops than the iPhone bearing Dallasites a stones throw away. At one point we were moving over a bridge and out of the corner of my eye I saw something and realized that it was an Armadillo (if you're not from Texas, reading this and you assume that this is a commonality, it's not...). I turned my truck around, but by the time I had my headlights pointed to the spot where I sighted the Texas tank it was gone.

A few miles later I reconnected with I-35 and once again I stepped on the gas and the pavement began sliding under my truck with a greater pace. The fields scattered with cattle turned into a four lane highway speckled with sedans and trucks. The colors went from greens and browns to concrete gray. The back roads were so much better. How did I go 19 years without realizing this.? How many people go there whole life stuck on I-35 behind an eighteen wheeler wishing there was a better way, because there definitely is a better way, one that makes you feel more alive, more connected to the creator. But why is it so hard to exit, to pull off the highway and head onto a road less traveled? Because I-35 is comfortably miserable. There are signs for the Dallas exit and fast food signs light the sky. On the back roads you could miss your turn and wind up lost. You could run out of gas and not be able to find a gas station. You might get behind a farmer driving his John Deere into town. You might just find that the road less traveled it BETTER.

Let's quit being comfortably miserable and take the exit. Try something new, fail, love someone who might not love you back, get into a conversation about a God who is unexplainable and become overwhelmed. We were not created to merely exist, we were created in Christ to live and to live abundantly (John 10:10). Take the exit.

A Fast Fall

For the past seven weeks I was immersed in an environment where there was not option but to put Jesus first and constantly depend on him for strength and endurance. I was a counselor for sixth and seventh grade guys at Pine Cove Ranch in east Texas. On Saturday my time there came to a close and as I jumped into my truck to head back to Dallas I was filled with excitement about reconnecting with my friends and family. I spent the fourth of July with some friends and had an absolute blast. I headed down to New Braunfels, Texas for the Ryan Bingham concert (one of my favorite artists). The weather was great, the atmosphere was phenomenal. The sound of Bignham's voice against the Texas sky was nothing short of pure bliss.

In the midst of this series of beautiful moments my mind wandered, thinking about how funny and challenging life can be. July 3rd at 8PM I was surrounded by 60 or 70 college students who had committed their summer to serving and sharing the gospel at camp, singing worship songs. July 4th at 8PM I was surrounded by hundreds of frat stars, hammered red necks, scantily dressed women, middle aged men and hill country natives. I'm not passing judgement on any of the people that I bumped elbows with, I'm just saying it is odd and often difficult how fast life comes at us.

What I am realizing is that as life begins slowing down from the insane pace of camp, I am reconnecting with a lot of things that I don't want to. From lust to ruthless materialism to being overly conscious about my image to my often sailor like mouth, I am understanding that I am running up an escalator full of things that want to bring me down. To stay on course I have to be intentional about going to Christ every day for strength and finding brothers to walk the faith with me.

I don't know where your summer has taken you or if it is just weird going from one group of friends at school to another group back home or if in the midst of the flexibly of your summer schedule you have found yourself in a place you don't want to be. Regardless, all authority in Heaven and on earth has been given to our king Jesus, authority over our lust, circumstances, joy, everything, so don't try to bear your burdens alone, because as I am often reminded, we can't do it on our own, but we can do all things through Christ who infuses strength in us. So live the dream and embrace your brokenness and when life just seems weird and changes too fast, turn to the one who never changes.